I love hearing about brain science and how memories are recalled, and changed as they are remembered. Loved your last line, "We are always writing a new truth." I'd add living one as well.
Thanks for this, Ronit. Brings to mind an F Scott Fitzgerald quote - and I'm paraphrasing - “A sign of intelligence is the ability to hold two contradictory truths simultaneously.” Think this is esp important for we smartypants memoirists. 😉
Love this Ronit. As I get ready to teach a workshop on memory and memoir, this post completely captivated me. I loved this line in particular, "Truth is a question, a seeking, an exercise in curiosity, and especially in memoir writing, it is vulnerable and bendable."
“If you already know everything there is to know about your story, will you feel as compelled to write it?” Such an important question for memoirists and a reminder to dig deeper…beyond what you think you know.
“Truth is a question, a seeking, an exercise in curiosity, and especially in memoir writing, it is vulnerable and bendable.” I love this quote, Ronit! Really rich ideas all contained in one concise sentence. It rings True! 😀
The "truths" I wrote about when I first began my memoir in 2010 and now, after finishing it and undergoing a developmental edit, have changed. There are so many layers, it took me a long time to understand the "two things can be true at the same time" adage. I finally get it.
I totally agree. This process takes a long time and the layers keep coming with each revision… Having our memoirs become something we didn’t expect is such an important step for us memoirists. Congratulations on finishing yours, Doreen!
Thank you, Ronit! I'm currently in the line-editing phase. Will it ever be done? It feels like forever now, but the time has helped me mature as a writer and hone my craft. Your guests on Let's Talk Memoir gave me so much insight!
We are wired for survival indeed. Even amnesia patients with short term memory loss, who are unable to recall meeting someone, can retain implicit memory. So, they might recoil from a certain person but not know why. An example: when a physician shook an amnesiac patient’s hand, he pricked the patient with a pin. The next day, the man didn’t recall meeting said doctor, and at the same time, he refused to shake his hand again. He could not remember the details or even the central experience & yet he KNEW.
Memory isn’t a vault but a lens we keep adjusting. I love how you framed truth as something living, not fixed. That’s what makes memoir worth writing (and reading). Thank you for this. I've been a long time listener (and sharer) of the show and have decided to start dripping out my own memoir here recently. It's so nice to be able to interact directly with so many great writers and thinkers like yourself here ;)
Hi K.K.! Thank you for this message. I absolutely agree with what you wrote:“That’s what makes memoir worth writing (and reading).” How we adjust and make sense of what we revisit is so much part of our narrative in memoir. I’m really happy. You’re a long time listener and excited to know you are working on your own memoir.
I was binge catching up on the podcast and was mesmerized by your interview with Eleanor Vincent of WritingtheRealWorld.substack.com. She is so passionate about her topic of neurodivergent/neurotypical couples and helping others in a similar situation. I immediately bought her memoir, "Disconnected" and think she is very brave to reveal her experiences in such vivid writing. I'll post this on her Substack too and of course I'll be writing a review on Amazon.
Brilliant, Ronit. Your perspective at navigating truth has been a key to unlocking my attachments and pulling off blinders. I love too, how time feeds into this conversation because we change as we write, which changes what we know about ourselves, our past experiences and how we remember them. It's not easy! But when I re-member an event from the past I have choices about how to re-encounter it, and that allows a different truth to emerge.
Linda, thank you for sharing this. I think what you wrote, "because we change as we write, which changes what we know about ourselves, our past experiences and how we remember them" is so true. Knowing this frees memoir writing for me and allows me more room to explore and reflect. Thank you for reading this post.
I remember that episode of your podcast was really facinating!
I’m working on a memoir that involves family history and saw how my mother’s memory changed from the first time she told me her childhood memories decades ago to when I asked her questions about the same events a few years ago. At least the story seemed to change from what I “remember” her telling me the first time. It’s all very tricky! But it was more the description of what happened that changed, not her feelings about it.
So on the photos of you in your 20s... we all tend to put on the happy mask when someone pulls out a camera. And nobody masks better than a 20-something woman in a little black dress! If you remember feeling a certain way in this relationship, personally I would trust your gut.
Thank you, CJ! I appreciate this very much and your sharing how "your mother’s memory changed from the first time she told me her childhood memories decades ago to when I asked her questions about the same events a few years ago." This CNF/Memoir work is flexible and forgiving and I think that's part of what I enjoy about writing in this genre. Thank you for reading my post <3
Wonderful - very thought provoking. I always say that I read memoir to learn how to survive, so this line: “the purpose of memory is for our survival….It's needed in our human experience," really resonated. It's so primal, this passing on of wisdom to others. Thanks for the great post, will share with my students and mentees.
I'm so happy you will, Marnie. Thank you for reading this and sharing your thoughts about memory and survival. I find it so interesting to think about too!
This is so good and interesting to mull over. Similar to what you’ve written about here, last fall I realized some things about a complicated relationship I have with a person who is pretty central to my memoir manuscript. Like you, I thought I might have to throw the whole thing out and start over. But as I re-read that parts that included that individual, I realized I had actually been sorting out all those complicated aspects all along, writing to figure it out. I wish I could have read this then, but I’m grateful to have it now!
Thank so much for sharing this, Joy. I appreciate learning about your experience and am pleased to know you were able to make the sorting out part of your narrative. Such an exciting process. Thank you for your kind words, too!
Are photos a reliable source for memoir? One of my exes was a grumpy old guy almost all the time I knew him. But I cannot find a photo of him looking like that unless he didn’t know it was being taken.
I personally didn’t rely on photos while drafting my memoir or even when I was revising it but they can be a powerful prompt for writing new material and for tapping into curiosity. Thank you for sharing this anecdote— he sounds like a tough character.
I love hearing about brain science and how memories are recalled, and changed as they are remembered. Loved your last line, "We are always writing a new truth." I'd add living one as well.
Oh yes, I agree! Thank you for reminder.❤️.
Thanks for this, Ronit. Brings to mind an F Scott Fitzgerald quote - and I'm paraphrasing - “A sign of intelligence is the ability to hold two contradictory truths simultaneously.” Think this is esp important for we smartypants memoirists. 😉
Hi Anne! Thank you for reading this post. I do love thinking of ourselves as "smartypants memoirists" :)
Love this Ronit. As I get ready to teach a workshop on memory and memoir, this post completely captivated me. I loved this line in particular, "Truth is a question, a seeking, an exercise in curiosity, and especially in memoir writing, it is vulnerable and bendable."
And just reposted it.
Thank you so much, Laura! ❤️
“If you already know everything there is to know about your story, will you feel as compelled to write it?” Such an important question for memoirists and a reminder to dig deeper…beyond what you think you know.
Thank you for sharing this, Becky! ❤️
“Truth is a question, a seeking, an exercise in curiosity, and especially in memoir writing, it is vulnerable and bendable.” I love this quote, Ronit! Really rich ideas all contained in one concise sentence. It rings True! 😀
Thank you for reading my latest, Jennifer! I find it so satisfying to think about and write about this genre.🎉
The "truths" I wrote about when I first began my memoir in 2010 and now, after finishing it and undergoing a developmental edit, have changed. There are so many layers, it took me a long time to understand the "two things can be true at the same time" adage. I finally get it.
I totally agree. This process takes a long time and the layers keep coming with each revision… Having our memoirs become something we didn’t expect is such an important step for us memoirists. Congratulations on finishing yours, Doreen!
Thank you, Ronit! I'm currently in the line-editing phase. Will it ever be done? It feels like forever now, but the time has helped me mature as a writer and hone my craft. Your guests on Let's Talk Memoir gave me so much insight!
We are wired for survival indeed. Even amnesia patients with short term memory loss, who are unable to recall meeting someone, can retain implicit memory. So, they might recoil from a certain person but not know why. An example: when a physician shook an amnesiac patient’s hand, he pricked the patient with a pin. The next day, the man didn’t recall meeting said doctor, and at the same time, he refused to shake his hand again. He could not remember the details or even the central experience & yet he KNEW.
Jen, that is so interesting! Thank you for sharing this. Memory is an altogether fascinating subject.
Memory isn’t a vault but a lens we keep adjusting. I love how you framed truth as something living, not fixed. That’s what makes memoir worth writing (and reading). Thank you for this. I've been a long time listener (and sharer) of the show and have decided to start dripping out my own memoir here recently. It's so nice to be able to interact directly with so many great writers and thinkers like yourself here ;)
Hi K.K.! Thank you for this message. I absolutely agree with what you wrote:“That’s what makes memoir worth writing (and reading).” How we adjust and make sense of what we revisit is so much part of our narrative in memoir. I’m really happy. You’re a long time listener and excited to know you are working on your own memoir.
Let’s Talk Memoir or bust! Haha.
Ooooh, 🙌thank you!
I was binge catching up on the podcast and was mesmerized by your interview with Eleanor Vincent of WritingtheRealWorld.substack.com. She is so passionate about her topic of neurodivergent/neurotypical couples and helping others in a similar situation. I immediately bought her memoir, "Disconnected" and think she is very brave to reveal her experiences in such vivid writing. I'll post this on her Substack too and of course I'll be writing a review on Amazon.
Thank you for this message, Lora! Yes, I appreciate Eleanor’s willingness to share and reveal her experience in granular ways.
As always, thank you for your Let’s Talk Memoir support! 🧡
Such a good reminder. I find myself often questioning my memories as well, and thus questioning if I should publish it.
Thank you for reading my post. This is one of my favorite topics to consider when teaching memoir.
Brilliant, Ronit. Your perspective at navigating truth has been a key to unlocking my attachments and pulling off blinders. I love too, how time feeds into this conversation because we change as we write, which changes what we know about ourselves, our past experiences and how we remember them. It's not easy! But when I re-member an event from the past I have choices about how to re-encounter it, and that allows a different truth to emerge.
Linda, thank you for sharing this. I think what you wrote, "because we change as we write, which changes what we know about ourselves, our past experiences and how we remember them" is so true. Knowing this frees memoir writing for me and allows me more room to explore and reflect. Thank you for reading this post.
Wow, you weren't kidding about the similarities in our posts about that time in our lives, and photos from then! Great post, Ronit.
Thank you for reading it, Sari!
I remember that episode of your podcast was really facinating!
I’m working on a memoir that involves family history and saw how my mother’s memory changed from the first time she told me her childhood memories decades ago to when I asked her questions about the same events a few years ago. At least the story seemed to change from what I “remember” her telling me the first time. It’s all very tricky! But it was more the description of what happened that changed, not her feelings about it.
So on the photos of you in your 20s... we all tend to put on the happy mask when someone pulls out a camera. And nobody masks better than a 20-something woman in a little black dress! If you remember feeling a certain way in this relationship, personally I would trust your gut.
Thank you, CJ! I appreciate this very much and your sharing how "your mother’s memory changed from the first time she told me her childhood memories decades ago to when I asked her questions about the same events a few years ago." This CNF/Memoir work is flexible and forgiving and I think that's part of what I enjoy about writing in this genre. Thank you for reading my post <3
Yes! I love how we and our stories evolve and how that becomes part of the story. Maybe even the point. :) Great post!
Wonderful - very thought provoking. I always say that I read memoir to learn how to survive, so this line: “the purpose of memory is for our survival….It's needed in our human experience," really resonated. It's so primal, this passing on of wisdom to others. Thanks for the great post, will share with my students and mentees.
I'm so happy you will, Marnie. Thank you for reading this and sharing your thoughts about memory and survival. I find it so interesting to think about too!
This is so good and interesting to mull over. Similar to what you’ve written about here, last fall I realized some things about a complicated relationship I have with a person who is pretty central to my memoir manuscript. Like you, I thought I might have to throw the whole thing out and start over. But as I re-read that parts that included that individual, I realized I had actually been sorting out all those complicated aspects all along, writing to figure it out. I wish I could have read this then, but I’m grateful to have it now!
Thank so much for sharing this, Joy. I appreciate learning about your experience and am pleased to know you were able to make the sorting out part of your narrative. Such an exciting process. Thank you for your kind words, too!
Are photos a reliable source for memoir? One of my exes was a grumpy old guy almost all the time I knew him. But I cannot find a photo of him looking like that unless he didn’t know it was being taken.
I personally didn’t rely on photos while drafting my memoir or even when I was revising it but they can be a powerful prompt for writing new material and for tapping into curiosity. Thank you for sharing this anecdote— he sounds like a tough character.